in its essence, life has the ability to exist outside of our own calculating and imaginative possibilities. life can appear stagnant and unwelcoming, neutral and demonstrative of an uncaring, unmoved, emotionless structure. life then provides chemical reactions rendering the most (humanly) complex methods to existence. to wonder about the origin of life has changed my entire world. the movement of God, the movement of creation, the movement of purpose has seemed to have uprooted my nimble oak tree and planted it in a some firmer, more resilient soil. my branches and leaves shake in fear at this newfound world that leaves my body feeling contorted and shaped into a new ideal of existence.
proof is an interesting word, one i feel can or cannot exist depending on the connective idea that we all agree that based upon it’s indisputable measurements, is the truth.
i don’t seek proof. i seek belief.
belief has gotten me farther than proof ever has. it is proven that alcohol and certain drugs can have a tremendous affect on our health, but it is not the proof itself that drives me into the cavernous lake of jewels, it is the belief…whatever complex molecular structure that inspires the idea of “belief”…that it will affect my life that stands its ground.
essentially it is the “not knowing” that catapults my life into new directions. believing without proof or believing without sound enough evidence are the invisible barriers of life that hold most of us above the water, that keep us moving and going. we have self-made medication in our mind that produces a healing affect.
belief is the most wonderful thing in this world.
i believe i have a purpose far greater than my 22-years on earth has granted me.
i believe that through my current anxiety and depression, something beautiful awaits on the other side.
i believe and hope that life is not just by chance, a product of simple cells, creating a complexity of human emotion, thought and ability to imagine there to be more to life than what there really is.
this magic within is, is of our own creation. our adaptability has evolved to such advanced levels of thinking and that we are only marveling at ourselves, not the reflection of a greater life force.
i’m not sure, how alone i am in this world with these thoughts of mine. is the world really that lonely? i am someone who questions existence, creation, life, liberty, hope and a belief that seems to stem from the most miserly and weakest of flowers.
i may never have proof. that i am sure of. but one of the most beautiful things that have sprout out of human existence is our ability to believe we are more than amino acids, bones, proteins, molecules, and flesh. i am more than a cellular computer, adding illusions of visual and auditory sensation to the belief that there is a magic of life that exists beyond scientific textbooks of evolution and disputing any further or lesser complexity.
life is beautiful and powerful and imaginative.
i can’t sit still anymore. i’ve been too affected by the prospect of the earth and even larger the universe. i am one person, so small, so non-existent in the scope of how large and seemingly infinite the universe is…even in its finiteness.
truth for myself, must then be sought out through action. i can’t deny i have a talent and a passion…we all do.
i can’t deny i have questions, i want answers, i want purpose, i want celebration of life.
however, i can’t just be concerned with what i’m wearing tomorrow or what drink i’m going to buy at the grocery store tonight. a greater personal truth must start guiding me outside of my comfortable ways.